I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize