totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
