like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
