What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
