At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
