there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
