i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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