I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
