My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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