i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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