READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
