so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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