hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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