I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
