I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize