whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
