well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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