Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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