we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
