a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
