She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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