Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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