if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
