I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
from now on my penis is your penis
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love having hate sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
