You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Vodka?
Forever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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