Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
