how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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