I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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