I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize