he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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