Fuck appropriateness.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
