remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
