If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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