you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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