based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
