I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
