Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
