Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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