i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize