Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
