I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
