Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize