He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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