We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
