the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
