Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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