Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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