Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
