How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
