I wannas sexs uuuuu
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
