I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize