it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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