so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
