she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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