Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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