Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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