We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
