why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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