you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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