she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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