it wasn't lemon gatorade
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
