Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
