Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
