I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
