you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
