Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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