I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize