it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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