There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
