I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
