At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
