Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
