wake up i wanna do it froggy style
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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