An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
