I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
