You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
