dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
