so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
