TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
time to smoke my breakfast
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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