she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
