I want you more than these girls want KFC
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
