all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
