Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
