so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
