I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
