here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
