I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
