You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
