Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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